Okay, people of the Northwest. I have something that you need to hear.
I agree that the last few days the clouds have been more full of holes than 9/11 truther’s theories, pouring their water loads all over our cars and making the roads shiny, the trees barren, and my life extremely inconvenienced. You see, I have to drive to get to work.
I know that this isn’t a shock to anyone. Most of us drive to work, or to school, or to get freaking anywhere over a mile from our house (and lets face it, usually a shorter distance than that). The problem comes when I am trying to drive at the speed limit – or anything approaching it – and everyone else on the road is putting down the freeway at 45 miles an hour, acting like the road is covered with ice covered with Crisco covered with WD-40 covered with Crisco.
You live in the Northwest. It rains here something like 170 days out of the year.
170 days.
Per Year.
And yet none of you have any idea what you are doing when water comes out of the sky and lands on your windshield (hint: wipers). I understand that most of you came from either Russia or California, neither place known for it’s preponderance of conscientious drivers, but seriously; I have seen so many people in the last couple of days hunched over their steering wheel, peering through slitted eyes at the road in front of them that I thought there had been some new law that was enacted while I was in Florida governing posture while motoring. I don’t understand how putting yourself in the position to get a very unfriendly Heimlich from your airbag in the event that something does go crazy with your 45 MpH trip down the 40 foot wide road is going to make you a better driver. If anything you are going to tweak something when you turn to see me passing you at the normal rate of speed laughing at the fact that not only are you NOT going the right speed, you look like a 123 year old while you are doing it.
Seriously folks, nothing is going to change about the way that you are experiencing your daily commute of terror. Give the guy in front of you a few more feet of space to account for the fact that you are probably not performing scheduled maintenance on your vehicle and are therefore driving on three good tires and one that is as bald as my daughter on the part of her head that rubs on her crib. Stop talking on the phone so you can pay attention to the fact that you are traveling at 60 MpH in a vehicle that weighs two tons (a hint for everyday life, folks). Just be more careful… No need to drive at a glacial pace just because it is raining.
Please?
