Gary is a bowler. Since his childhood, all he could think of doing was throwing that waxed, polished, balanced and drilled piece of rubber down the hardwood, basking in the cacophony that was the perfect strike. He spent years developing his poise; his ballarina-esque follow-through was lead up to by the svelte motions of a tried and true professional of the long-lanes. All who saw him were struck dumb by the spectacle that unfolded before their eyes as he selected his ball, wound up, approached and unleashed a ball so perfectly spun and hefted that it was capable of producing a strike after only touching the lane once, halfway between his mastery of the game and the 10 pins waiting to be decimated by his finesse.
Known as The Flash by his oponents, his assembly-line precision and speed between shots shed light on his consummate professionalism and determination to be the greatest bowler that ever lived. Sliding up to the line and cheating the foul by scant millimeters he knocked off all comers with his ability to throw the ball in any way and still unleash fury on the other end of the lane.
And the $8 Pabst pitchers. Ruined. Everything.
Stumbling drunk Gary became a spectacle of another color. So wasted that he could not tell forward from back, he repeatedly fell into the lane, bouncing his ball off of whatever was around (very nearly including the ceiling). He was beheld by Team Funtard as simply an object of scorn and barely concealed judgment. They squealed with glee when it was time for “The Flash” to ascend his throne of Birch, barely able to hide their yearning for his latest antics. Blatant wrong-wayedness and overly dramatic posing aside, his newly-found lack of ability stunned those in the argyle universe into solemn silence as those judging him laughed and carried on, oblivious to the rapid decay of the greatness that was Gary.
And it was good.
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Seriously though everyone. If you are so wasted that you literally take 5 minutes to select your ball (presumably judginng them on their roundness), then fall into the lane – literally ripping a piece of metal off of the gutter – cant hardly stop yourself from fouling and then FALL IN THE GUTTER, you should probably not be drinking and bowling at the same time . I have pictures of you, and I want to thank you for making the money spent on EXTREME BOWLING 2K9.COM well, well worth the pain in my cheeks from my not-so-hidden judgement (read: laughter) of you.
