Ok. I have now seen advertisements for the “Amazing Tomato Tree” on TV, in the papers and in magazines. It is time for this to stop already.
Tomatos are supposed to grow out of smallish bushes on the ground. This bushtree is advertised to grow to 8-10 feet tall in basically no time and produce bumper crops of gigantic tomatoes every week. If I ever look out in my garden and there is an eight foot tall treeshrub sprouting tomatoes the size of my fist like some kind of licopene-funded biological slot machine, I am going to run screaming to my nearest armory and douse the entire neighborhood with Agent Orange.
Seriously.
Tomatoes are not supposed to be 2 lbs and literally the size of Chers head. Its just not natural. I can only imagine the bizarre chemicals and growth additives that come pre-loaded in the ‘decorative’ pots. It should be a sign that you dont plant them, it comes as a package (presumably to keep you out of what can only be a caustic and highly dangerous chemical environment). Barry bonds didn’t take the kinds of hormones that would allow a bushtreeshrubdemon to put off an entire crop of tomatoes every week. And Hybrid? Is it okay to call somethingthat grows out of the ground hybrid? I think not, friends.
I think not.
When I think hybrid I think of Jerri Ryan and her *ahem* implants on Star Trek. I think of that chick from Species or maybe the funny little cars that Toyota makes. I do not ever think “MmMm… hybrid (insert vegetable here) sure sounds good on my salad”
Now I’m all for genetic engineering in food. I yearn for the day that I am able to harvest a steak from a corn-stalk. That being said, I have seen attack of the killer tomatoes and know what is in the future. If there is one thing that scares me more than a future full of metal, soulless, uber-intelligent and heavily armed robotic killing machines, it is one full of intelligent, mobile and dangerously delicious fruit.
Mark my words, this will not end well.
